What’s your ideal husband/wife?”, “Would you let your husband marry again?” “”What would you do if your husband has a bad temper?”…and the list just goes on and on. We can sit around all day thinking up the countless hypothetical situations which may potentially affect us one day, but we ignore the key things that will definitely affect us one day. We daydream about marriage as if its some sort endless bliss, but when we get married, we think its a nightmare only because we weren’t realistic in our approach towards it to begin with. We enter the marriage by stressing ourselves out with expenses that can be easily done without, such as what type of tablecloth, chair covers, napkins, etc have to be used at the wedding just so we can live the fairy tale.

It is narrated by Sayyidina Anas ibn Malik (Radiallahu Anhum) that Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has said,
“When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”

[Al-Tirmidhi # 3096, Bayhaqi transmitted it in Shu’ab al-Iman]

On this lavish setting, the dreamy prince and princess get married. Naturally they are happy to say we’ve completed half of our deen. In that state, so easily is it forgotten that Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) continued and said, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half! What does that mean anyway?! You’re married, what’s there to fear? Everything is gonna be great, you’ll wake each other up for Tahajjud, you’ll read Quran together, he’ll help her around the house, she’ll never talk back and question him when he’s clearly right (like as if ever a guy is right, insert chuckle here!), innit? Er…no…not really. They never behaved like that before, why should they change now?! Times passes, and as both sides fail in their responsibilities, reality rudely awakens them. All of a sudden it seems like a revelation just hit them: things aren’t ending happily ever after…!

Imaam Ahmed ibn Hanbal (Rahimahullah) said of his wife of forty years:

“She has been my companion for forty years, and in that span of time, I never had a disagreement with her.”

How many of our married brothers and sisters look back without complaints and make similar comments to what Imaam Hanbal said? Without doubt every marriage will face their trials. Our beloved Nabi (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam), the best of mankind, had times where things got difficult for him. Overcoming obstacles in a marriage comes with the fear of Allah, sticking close to the Quran and Sunnah, and the maturity to handle the responsibilities. We can all say that once we get our other half, everything will fall into place, and our imaan will grow together and we’ll help each other out. That’s precisely where the problem lies. If Shaytan (the devil) sways us away so easily now, do we think we’re automatically safe once we are married? Of course not! The greatest joy Shaytan has is to create friction in a marriage. After all, a broken home doesn’t just destroy two people. It breaks two families apart, and it is a hardship for their children. Nobody is happy, simply due to their lack in fearing Allah.

It has been narrated that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said that Shaytan sits on his throne daily and dispatches his agents to work among human beings. One of the agents returns and says that I made a certain person commit a sin, another says I got so and so involved in this offense. Upon listening to all this Shaytan says that you have done nothing great. Eventually one representative comes and says that I saw a husband and wife extremely devoted to each other. I sowed the seeds of enmity between them. On hearing this Shaytaan becomes happy and embracing his agent says that you have achieved something great.

[Mishkat]

Weak imaan is an entry for Shaytan to overtake us and break our homes, as we see all around us. Instead of prioritizing on marriage, we should be looking inwards and fixing our flaws, so that when we do get married, we will be able to cope with the responsibilities that are tied to marriage. Rather than looking at all those around us getting married as an excuse to feel down in the dumps, lets use it to our advantage and make the most of our single days by becoming the best Muslims we can be.

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