Parent, father

 

“Our Lord! Forgive me and my parents, and (all) the believers on the Day when the reckoning will be established.”
Surah (Chapter) Ibrahim (Abraham) Qur-an 14:41  

 

When I was a little brat, I always asked my parents for help regarding everything. They helped me patiently, never asking for anything in return. Time flew by and I started relying on myself. Especially when it came to school. I had teachers to ask, friends to call for help… I felt grown up when I didn’t need to ask my parents. Like it would be a great shame to go to your Dad and say, “I don’t get this Math thingy Daddy…”

Turning 13, I was officially a teenager. Now I seriously couldn’t ask my parents for help! Except for giving me money of course. That’s what they are there for, right?

And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), “Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.” (31:14)

 

Uh-oh… Showing gratitude towards parents… But how could I?
They won’t let me go to my friend’s party, they punish me for the silliest things, pressure me to be the best in class, tell me what to wear, what to be and what not… The list goes on and on. How could I ever show gratitude for so little freedom they give me?

 

Anas narrated from Prophet Muhammad (1) (saas) about the major sins. He (Mohammed) observed: Associating anyone with God, disobedience to parents, killing a person and false utterance. (Muslim)

Narrated ‘Abdullah: I asked the Prophet (saas) “Which deed is the dearest to God?” He replied, “To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times.” I asked, “What is the next (in goodness)?” He replied, “To be good and dutiful to your parents”…(Bukhari)

  

The Prophet (salallahu alehy waselam) has clearly told us Muslims, to be kind, loving, dutiful towards our parents. This is a characteristic of a Muslim and Allah (2) (swt) has commanded us to do so. Show mercy and gratitude towards your parents, even though they may be wrong. We’re all humans. You yourself aren’t perfect. Why expect it then from your parents? Mistakes happen to learn from, faults are there to work to the better on. You’re parents are human beings too, with lots of feelings, memories, mistakes, faults and a past.

 

* It was said: “There is not a single believer who has two parents and wakes up while he is good to them, except that Allah opens up for him two gates to Paradise, and if he makes one of them angry, then Allah will not become pleased with him until that parent becomes pleased with him again.” It was asked: “Even if that parent was oppressive and in the wrong?” It was replied: “Yes, even so. And he never wakes up while he is bad to them except that Allah opens up for him two gates to Hell.”

 

They were young just like you once upon a time. Yes, they were! How shocking it may sound, it is true. They have had parents too, if they aren’t still alive! Your parents have most certainly gone through with their own parents all the things you are right now dealing with… They may have forgotten how it is to be young, but they will never, and I promise you this, never forget the great love a parent has for his/her child. Whatever they do, is mostly because they want a better life for you. A life they themselves maybe never had. The reason why they want you to get a great job and have great grades is because they think this is the best option for you. They want the absolute best for you.

 

We are to accept them as our parents, not push them away like strangers.

 

Why? They have been looking and caring for you all your life and they will continue to do it, if God so wills, until their death. You’ll understand when you have children of your own one day, taking care of those diapers is really dirty work and requires strong will, your ego will easily fade away… For a child whom you love more than yourself.
There is this great, unexplainable bound between a child and its parents. Some say its love; others say it’s more to it.

I remember when a cold December night here in Finland, I was walking in the park with my mother. Suddenly her phone rang. It was my aunt calling from Kosovo; they were informing us that my old and very sick grandmother had just passed away. My mother began to cry and I was too shocked to do the same at first then some tears were shed but… I was just staring at my mother. Had never seen her cry like that before. This was the day when I realized, my mother is a grown up child.
She was a child, the child of my grandmother, her mother. Mum loved grandma, the way I love her… I suddenly saw it all so clear, how precious a mother is. I began to appreciate the time Allah granted me with my own mother, knowing there are those who maybe today loose a beloved parent… I walked there beside her thinking how I would have felt, if I was her. Miles and miles away from home, not to be able to see your mother for the last time… Just the thought of it was unbearable.

 

A man came to the Prophet (salallahu ‘alayhi wasalam) and asked him for permission to join a military expedition. The Prophet (salallahu ‘alayhi wasalam) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he said, “Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet.” (Ahmad)

A man came to the Prophet (salallahu ‘alayhi wasalam) and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father.(Bukhari, Muslim).

 

Parent, mother

 

How many times do you tell your mother you love her? I’m sure not too often. That day I wanted to tell her ”I love you Mum”, I wanted to scream it… Still I can’t remember doing it, but I do remember it was all I was thinking of, walking beside a heartbroken child in that white snow, a cold December night.

And (the mystic ties of) parent and child;- [Qur’an 90:3]

Allah Almighty has raised the status of the relationship a parent and a child share. Look deep into your heart. The relationship you share with your parents is different and cannot ever be replaced, no matter how much you try. Appreciate the time you have with not only your mother, but also with your father. Time never returns, it only goes further away.

My father hadn’t until a few months ago, talked since almost 20 years with his own mother. The reason? I don’t know. What I do know, it was nothing that couldn’t have been cleared up with some kind words and understanding. Something I want you all to remember, have sabr (patience) and please, show mercy to one another.

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 372:


Narrated Anas bin Malik:The Prophet passed by a woman who was weeping beside a grave. He told her to fear Allah and be patient. She said to him, “Go away, for you have not been afflicted with a calamity like mine.” And she did not recognize him. Then she was informed that he was the Prophet, so she went to the house of the Prophet and there she did not find any guard. Then she said to him, “I did not recognize you.” He said, “Verily, the patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.”  

Book 58, Number 58.2.7:

Malik related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Ata ibn Yazid al-Laythi from Abu Said al-Khudri that some people of the Ansar asked the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and he gave to them. Then they asked him again, and he gave to them until he used up what he had. Then he said, “What wealth I have, I will not hoard from you. Whoever has forbearance, Allah will help him. Whoever tries to be independent, Allah will enrich him. Whoever tries to be patient, Allah will give him patience, and no one is given a better or vaster gift than patience.

(3) Alhamdulillah, my father got guided and spoke to his mother. Do you know why I am telling you this? Read carefully. I have been told, I am a lot like my father, that I have many of his great qualities. Alhamdulillah, I am always happy to hear that. But something no one except my mother and sisters know, is that I have one bad quality from him, if not from him, then at least like his. That is stubbornness. Too many times have I gotten into fights with my father and many other people, then later on refused to admit defeat. One day my brain finally got switched on.

I was seeing it before me. There would be a fight between me and my father. Then thanks to my stubbornness, I wouldn’t speak to him again, year after year.

The day my father spoke to my grandmother through the phone, after 20 years of silence, he began to cry like a baby. I also began to cry, not only because out of happiness and joy, but also because of shame. Finally I really understood the meaning to be grateful towards your parents and show mercy to them, to be forgiving, to be kind. To show love.

A beautiful way to show this love, is making dua (prayer) for your parents.

 It was said by a group of the Tabi’in: “Whoever makes du’a’ for his parents five times in a day has fulfilled their rights, since Allah has said: {“…to thank Me and your parents. To Me is the final return.”} [Luqman; 14], and you thank Allah – the Exalted – by praying five times in a day, so likewise, you would thank your parents by praying for them five times in a day.”

At least I can admit I would want to be forgiven or be asked forgiveness from. This is a sign to show you feel something for that person, that you want to continue the good times and not fall into the trap of evil. To always be a lover, not hater, not winner nor looser.
 

 ———–

* from Tanbih ul-Ghafilin’ (Informing the Heedless), by the Imam Abul-Layth Nasr as-Samarqandi. The narrations from either the Sahaba or the Tabieen, the brother who translated them didn’t include the names.

(1) ‘May peace and blessings be upon him’. Muslims say this after mentioning the Prophet Muhammad (Salalahu ‘alayhi wasalam).

(2) ‘Subhana Wa Ta’ala’, which means ‘Glory be to the Most High (Allah)’.

(3) Alhamdulillah = Simply means ‘All praise is due to Allah’. Muslims, are supposed to use it when we are presented with that which appears good and with that which appears bad. In other words, no matter what your condition, you are grateful to Allah for that condition. It is a recognition that all that Allah has given us or taken from us is the best for us.

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